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my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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