I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
