tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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