My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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