I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
