I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
