I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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