you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
