hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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