I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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