Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
