Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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