I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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