Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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