so that wasnt chicken after all
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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