david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
