i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
