So drunk its hurt
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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