Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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