Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
