You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
