I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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