So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
