So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
