Dual....:-)
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
