2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
More tranny stories later!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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