i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
