you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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