i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize