While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
