day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
