im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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