Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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