my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
