Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am one with the molecules
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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