I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
