why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
