never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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