Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
