i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
