just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
