Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
