Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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