Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
