They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
