can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
