i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
