My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
