LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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