Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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