Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
