You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
