I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
