Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize