life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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