Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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