I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
