I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
