I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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