no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
