sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
