u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
