i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
