im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
