Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
