So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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