Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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