you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
