My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We had to coat check the pizza.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
