I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
