Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
