Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
