tonight lets celebrate not being married
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
