Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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