More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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