i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
