I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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