I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
