He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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