He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
