She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
