I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
