I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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