so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
